The ethical significance of broccoli

Easter, a time to sit back and reflect, review. No, that is New Years, or maybe Halloween. Easter is a time for chocolate. Some people like to drench the long weekend with all sorts of religious significance. That’s fine if you are a Christian and religious. I am not. Conjuring tricks are best left to conjurers.

I have a toddler, TroubleMaker. He isn’t mine in the sense of chattel, like a car or wife, but still he is mine and controls almost every aspect of my life now. Having a toddler around the lets you learn about the priorities in a toddler’s life, in case you had any doubts or never get to see reruns of Dr. Phil. Some people will try to tell you small children’s prime motivators consist of anything that falls into the category of immediate self gratification.

Of course this becomes so obviously false when you are caught doing anything that might be considered embarrassing, like using the toilet, being naked or surreptitiously sneaking macaroons while Mom was supposed to have him otherwise occupied. At that moment their curiosity takes over, becomes the most powerful force in their lives and they ask questions and look for explanations that make your soul wither. You understand societal standards. You know shame. You don’t know why you do, but you do! All that time I spent telling myself I would deal with his need to explore in an educational manner is now out the window because there have to be people around when Troublemaker decides to ask his questions. Mostly his questions consist of pointing and asking ‘Whaz zat?’ Over and over and over.

A healthy toddler only spends part of their time in exploration of your fears and humiliations. Another portion their time is spent in trying your patience.

During Easter however, pleasure in the form of chocolate becomes the child’s life. It is something to eat, to crash from, to end each meal and start the next then fill in those dull periods between meals. It the substance doled out in great quantity by grandmothers, aunts, cousins and Easter Bunnies. And it is the thing TroubleMaker seeks. ‘NO NAP!’ Indeed, his internal clock is set to Chocolate. ‘NO POOPIE!’ No, he just wants to load up the other end with Chocolate. ‘NO TEATS!’ Wait, screwed that one up, he does want treats, Chocolate.

This is Easter in our house. Tomorrow is another day, a day when we will try to break his addiction to that sweet dark confection. In the mean time, CHOCOLATE!