Halloween is done. Now there are no
more consumer relevant holidays until Christmas. Fortunately we can
exercise our free market rights between now and then by shopping
until our credit limits have been bloodied and beaten. Of course
nothing has come to symbolize those rights more than the jolly old
elf himself, Santa Claus. But Santa Claus is so old school. Not edgy.
Not dangerous. Not patentable.
One of the true blessings that has come
from combining democracy with free markets, besides the complete
negation of our own humanity, is the ability, nay the requirement, to
adapt all things to the service of the gods of marketing.
Take the lowly penguin for example. You
cannot use it for food, unless you are shipwrecked on Elephant
Island, just ask Shackleton. You cannot be used for clothing, they do
not go with anything you own. We have been totally unsuccessful
training them to flip hamburgers, so they are of no use to the
service industry.
But wait. We can use them for
marketing. They certainly have no bearing on Easter, or Queen
Victoria's birthday but how about Christmas. Perfect! Penguins are
cute and entirely meaningless in that context so lets use them to
market Christmas.
But wait. We are in Alberta. And we are
Albertans. We have our own mythology. We believe in the ethics of
hard work, determination, the individual, god and sparkly vampires.
We are not like those communists in B.C. and Saskatchewan, we are
Conservatives. All of us. Every one of us.
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| Artists Rendition |
We need something that will symbolize
our core beliefs. Something that says we don't need high school
diplomas, an educated populace, or imagination. Something that shows
how very very very very important this holiday is to our souls and
spiritual well being. We need something that truly represents all of
that and so much more. Something that is Christmas in Alberta in the
year 2012.
Well, now we have it. Now we have the
Christmas Capybara!
Merry CHRISTmas!
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